Our main objective here at the National Coach Academy is to enable aspiring coaches to reach their full professional potential. One of the most effective ways to educate students about the world of coaching is by offering them a window into the world of real, practicing coaches and showing them all the different ways coaches make a difference in the lives of their clients.
We hope today’s interview adds another insightful glimpse into the dynamic world of coaching.
Today we are interviewing Kathleen Hanagan. Kathleen is a Business and Relationship Coach, Family Counselor, and Psychoanalyst based in Alexandria, Virginia.
NCA: Can you describe your coaching practice and the kinds of clients you typically work with?
Kathleen: Because I am a psychotherapist and coach, there’s a lot of overlap. Many people come to me because they feel stuck in their lives. It could be that they are in a marriage that they are not happy in or often it’s a career or job that doesn’t feed their soul. They want help to gain the courage and clarity about taking some big steps. I do a lot of work with them on what their purpose is, what they believe that they can do to contribute. I attract a lot of people who want to contribute a lot to the world because the world needs it right now.
NCA: Can you just give some of the most common examples of ways clients can get stuck in their lives?
Kathleen: They can be in a dead-end relationship. Something that maybe hasn’t worked for a long time or maybe the partner is having an affair. Or the partner is caught up in an addiction and they know that it would be better to leave because the other person doesn’t do anything about it. But they’re afraid. It could be financially. They’re afraid sometimes about what it will do to children. Afraid of the actual process of uncoupling and going through that.
It’s not something that can be taken very lightly. That fear is very real and yet knowing that they need to leave becomes at least as strong as the fear and that’s usually when I see people.
NCA: Can you describe initially what got you interested in this career path and what kind of degree or certifications did you need to complete, if any?
Kathleen: I’m the oldest of 7 children, so I was always in the role of helping people. It kind of came naturally to me. I knew I wanted to help people.
I also suffered my own childhood trauma, so I actually needed to go through my own healing. As I did that, it really sparked my interest. It’s like the two came together: The natural inclination to help others and then my own healing spurred me on to go to Columbia School of Social Work and I got my Master of Social Work.
About 10 years into my therapy career, I also did training to become a coach. I liked the focus in coaching on the present and practical steps to move someone forward where I could see many people use therapy to rehash the past, not to move forward. Over time, I’ve combined that kind of forward moving thinking of the coaching orientation with the therapy to make it more powerful.
It’s more powerful work because people do have to go back and heal trauma but they don’t want to get stuck there. Sometimes when people come and they’re stuck — maybe in a job or a marriage — I coach them to start to take the steps and find courage. Their own trauma comes out so that we have to deal with it. That was really what was keeping the fear in place.
Most of the people that come to me really wanted change and growth as a motivation. But some people want to come and have another person to complain to or get on their side and it’s important as a coach to not collude with that because then you become codependent with the client and that doesn’t help them.
NCA: What is the most rewarding part of your career in terms of working with your clients and on the flip side of that, what is the most challenging aspect of the work that you do?
Kathleen: I think the most rewarding is to see someone who didn’t believe or trust in themselves and then to see them change. To see them grow. The name of my business is Turn on Your Light, LLC, so when their light goes on, it’s like “Wow!” That brings enormous joy because I know that then goes and affects other people and I believe that’s why we’re here — to be as awake as we can. That brings great joy.
The hardest part is when somebody insists on remaining in blame of others which is a victim’s position. And if someone’s really married to that position, it doesn’t matter how good a coach or therapist you are. [laughing] There’s not a whole lot you can do other than to reflect that back to them.
NCA: When somebody is in that blaming position, what is the most effective way out of that? What’s the antidote to that way of thinking?
Kathleen: For some people, that really is a phase of the journey. That is a stage to pass through. That’s an assessment I make. If it is, I’ll say “Let yourself feel really mad and blame. Let yourself do that but you’re not going to stay here.” I’m not going to try to talk them out of it. I’ll simply say, “You know, there’s really no other tool that I have in my toolbox to help you as long as you’re not going to take responsibility and you’re going to choose to stay in this place. I’m not choosing it.” Then we go back into the conversation about choice.
Sometimes it has the effect of helping people and sometimes people just get mad and they don’t come back. And it’s okay. It so rarely happens but it’s important to name it and not endlessly collude with it because we can’t change what we can’t own. Ownership is a really big part of my work. It needs to be used extremely judiciously because it’s not something I’d do right away with somebody.
In other words, we’ve been working and the trust is established. And then to say, “Unless you can stop the blame, there’s nowhere to go.” Most of the people that come to me really wanted change and growth as a motivation. But some people want to come and have another person to complain to or get on their side and it’s important as a coach to not collude with that because then you become codependent with the client and that doesn’t help them.
NCA: Can you think of a mentor who was the most vital to your success as a coach and in what ways did this mentor help you thrive?
Kathleen: I would say that Hedy Schleifer, who’s a very wise psychotherapist and relationship coach. She’s really taught me how to help people in the most compassionate way, tend to their old wounds and bring them forward for the healing so that they can move on. She’s just skillful beyond belief and her ability to love the people she works with and to care for them deeply was a beautiful model for me. Our care for our clients is part of what helps them.
The name of my business is Turn on Your Light, LLC, so when their light goes on, it’s like “Wow!” That brings enormous joy because I know that then goes and affects other people and I believe that’s why we’re here — to be as awake as we can.
NCA: For somebody who is just getting started in their coaching career, what is one piece of advice you would give to somebody who is just looking for guidance on which niche to occupy?
Kathleen: What breaks your heart? What really either breaks your heart or gets you mad? Because that’s an indication of where your energy is drawn and where you want to help.
It’s so important to teach people how to have self-compassion and how to unwrap their own gift of themselves. We’re never going to do it for them. That doesn’t help people, but really showing them that they have all those qualities in themselves to make the change and encouraging them. Stay away from rescuing but more toward empowering people.
